Why Is My Child In Such Bad Tantrums: A Parent's Guide
Updated: Apr 5, 2022
As your child grows, you might find that the physical demands (such as food and sleep) of your child become lesser and the emotional demands increase.
All of sudden, you realise that you might dread certain occasions that involve your child, such as visiting an older relative or asking your child to get himself ready for bed or school.
Why would your child whine?
Whining is defined as prolonged complaining.
We have all gone through an episode when your child whined about wanting something. It must have brought much feelings of trouble and anxiety to you as a parent.
However, do not fret. Instead, calmly think through over some situations when your child whined and the reasons for whining.
Did your child complain because he was asked to do something? Was the task too difficult (resulting in frustration rather than complaint) or was it an “attitude” (whining as a means of getting something which otherwise will not be given by the parent) issue?
What was your response as a parent to your child’s whining? If you apply the correct response to the child’s behaviour, whining can be stopped.
Tip: If whining is due to an “attitude” issue, then provide clear instructions to your child and let him know that whining is not tolerated.
Your child should know that it is not appropriate to whine.
You can say “[Child’s name], I want you to listen carefully to Mummy’s instruction and think before you respond. There is to be no whining.”
Such stern instructions help your child to realise that whining is a habit that should not be condoned and must be stopped quickly.
Even though you as the parent might be troubled by your child’s whining, do be firm and encourage a right response from your child, being mindful of your responses at the same time.
If your child asks for anything in a whining tone, consider using your timer for 3 minutes to wait it out.
Then, when 3 minutes is up, ask your child to ask again.
Having to wait is the natural consequence that will cause your child to focus on how to ask properly the next time.
Throwing a tantrum out of anger
We are all human beings and have feelings.
Some emotions such as anger can cause even adults to behave negatively, sometimes in a harmful way.
Truly, a child who has developed emotional maturity has gained a great treasure!
Help your child to gain this treasure, teach him self-control over his emotional outbursts so that others will not easily take advantage of his feelings.
While we have feelings, we all know from experience that there are right and wrong ways to express our emotions.
Throwing a tantrum out of anger is the wrong way.
Hence, once you see your child throwing a tantrum out of anger, make it a point to understand your child and nip the problem in the bud.
Temper tantrums often occur because the child has learnt from experience or seen it in other children that it works.
When your child successfully throws a tantrum and realises that your resolve to stop the tantrum is not strong, he will continue throw tantrums to get his way.
Whilst some might say that throwing temper tantrums is a normal phase of development that children will eventually outgrow, it is important to address this issue at an early rather than late stage of your child’s development.
If not, this way of getting things via a tantrum might evolve and become a common way of getting things and even undermine the parent’s authority.
Tip: Consider your parental response when your child throws a temper our of anger. When you respond, the goal is not to remove emotions from your child, but to help him gain self-control in moments of disappointment and learn the proper methods of expressing emotions of anger, disappointment and sadness appropriately.
Throwing a tantrum out of frustration
Frustration and temper tantrums are not the same.
For example, a child might refuse to heed your instruction but instead throwing a tantrum out of disappointment with her own ability to perform a task excellently.
Your child knows in her mind what she wants to do but could not physically make it happen.
Frustration tantrums take place when children know what they want to accomplish but do not know how to accomplish it.
Frustration is the root problem and not rebellion, since the basis of the tantrum does not related to parental instruction.
Tip: As a parent, we naturally want to help our child when they get frustrated. However, do not be too quick to jump in. Make yourself available, but first insist that the child ask for your help. A simple statement such as “Mummy will help you if you want, but you must ask me”, puts the burden of cooperative problem-solving on your child.
This ability to want to take responsibility for her own learning is very important.
At Genesis Childcare 1989, we have this desired outcome that our children will become self-directed learners who takes responsibility for learning, who questions, reflects and does not give up easily in the pursuit of learning.
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