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  • Writer's picturePei Wen

7 Statements Parents Should Avoid Saying to Their Children


Low self-esteem develops in children who are used to hearing disparaging remarks about themselves. Parents frequently use this language to help children comprehend the gravity of their actions. They believe the children would suffer as a result of what they did.


However, children can learn their lesson without going through pain. They require a responsible adult who can instruct them and guide them gently.


We don't need to speak disparagingly about them because of their mistakes. These words don't instruct them in anything; instead, they cause them to form unfavourable opinions of themselves.


They believe that they are inadequate, a burden, a source of stress for others, etc. As a result, they develop an attitude of self-blame for entering the world and bringing forth its unhappiness. Since of how their mistakes were handled, children become afraid to try new activities because they don't want to let people down.


Children who hear negative words struggle to discover their genuine selves because they trust what we tell them.


1. YOU'RE A BAD BOY/GIRL

One of the most typical sayings.


A child learns that he is a bad person for engaging in a wrong action when we criticise him for it. It is untrue. We are all awful people if that is the case. Everybody makes mistakes and engages in improper behaviour.


A child ought to learn that what he did was bad. However, just because his deed was poor does not imply that he is a "bad person." He is capable of a great deal of good.


2 BOYS DON'T CRY / GOOD GIRLS DON'T CRY

A natural reaction to intense emotions is to cry. Nevertheless, we observe parents attempting to console crying children.


Crying has so many advantages. Anyone who cries is not a bad person. Simply said, it's our body's attempt to let stress out. It aids in the processing of our feelings and aids in overcoming challenging emotions.


Kids cry over everything because they are more sensitive and unable to control their emotions as well as adults.


The finest thing a parent can do when their child is sobbing is to allow them to cry all the way through rather than stop them while also providing comfort and understanding.


3 YOU DON'T FEEL THAT WAY

Kids included having the right to express their emotions. Kids won't feel validated when they express their views about something, and you immediately reject them.


They may feel as though "talking my mom about it is pointless since she won't understand how I feel." This could make them reluctant to share their painful emotions with you.


So, do not pass judgement when they express their emotions. Try to resist the impulse to pass judgement so you can listen intently. Later in life, if you can sincerely listen to them and respect their feelings without passing judgement, they will feel comfortable opening up to you about anything.


4. WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO BE MORE LIKE?


Most of us have probably heard it at least once or perhaps said it to our children. One of the worst things a parent can say to their kids is that.


This expression is frequently used by parents in the hope that it may inspire kids to model good behaviour for others. But in reality, nobody ever benefited from it.


How would you feel, for instance, if your partner requested you to pick up decent manners from a friend or a family member? If your spouse and the other individual did something wrong, would you be motivated or angry?


You'll experience jealousy and bitterness because it calls into question your own distinctiveness and uniqueness.


We must embrace our children for who they are and acknowledge that they will never behave in a different way. And you shouldn't ask them to do that either. They may start comparing themselves to others and feeling awful about the attributes they lack as a result, which is one of the negative repercussions of doing this.


Siblings cannot be compared to one another, despite the fact that they share the same womb. Your children are all distinct people.


Even when speaking to others, parents need to use particular caution when making these analogies. We frequently use phrases such as, "My younger daughter... is not as excellent at tidying her room as my older one." Your children are constantly paying attention, and even when they aren't, let's banish the habit of contrasting two children from our own brains.


5. I WISH I NEVER HAD KIDS

Parents should never tell their children something like this. I'm not going to criticise you for having this thought. It's difficult to get a break because raising children is not an easy task, especially for mothers. It is common to miss your previous life when going through difficult situations. However, expressing that out loud and to a small person is harsh.


A child feels guilty for being born when a parent expresses regret over having them as a child. Their sense of worth has been severely damaged.


Our children did not choose to be born into this world, whether or not we choose to embrace parenthood. We forced them to come here. We must now meet both their physical and emotional requirements in addition to our obligation to provide for their physical needs.


Children desire to feel needed, cherished, and safe. They will grow up injured and neglected if these requirements are not met.


And if you experience these emotions frequently as a parent, you need to address the underlying problems right away because it harms not just the mental health of the children but also your own.


6. I'm leaving this house and will never return


I am really sorry for telling my children this. The fact is that sometimes the commotion and noise get on my nerves, which is too much for my delicate, reserved personality. This is not an excuse for me to tell my kids this.


In fact, after saying that, I feel awful. Children feel vulnerable and defenceless when faced with such meaningless threats. For kids to be themselves and express their feelings without restraints, they need to feel safe at home.


Because their parents become triggered by their strong emotions, they feel uncomfortable expressing them. Their mental health may suffer as a result.


7. YOU ARE SELFISH.

Children are frequently egocentric. To teach kids empathic skills, patience, deliberate instruction, and role modelling are necessary.


Even though kids can tell the difference between "fair" and "unfair," studies have shown that their undeveloped brains are to blame for the egocentric behaviours they exhibit.


A child may learn to suppress his wants out of fear if you call him selfish.


We need to teach them about selfishness and selflessness, just like we teach them every other skill. It could take some time for some kids because no two kids are the same.



Conclusion

Low self-esteem develops in children who are used to hearing disparaging remarks about themselves. As a result, they develop an attitude of self-blame for entering the world and bringing forth unhappiness. We don't need to speak disparagingly about them because of their mistakes. One of the worst things a parent can say to their kids is that. Nobody ever benefits from comparing them to others.


Parents must embrace their children for who they are and acknowledge that they will never behave in a different way. Your children are all distinct people, don't compare them to one another. A child feels guilty for being born when a parent expresses regret over having them as a child. A child may learn to suppress his wants out of fear if you call him selfish. For kids to be themselves and express their feelings without restraints, they need to feel safe at home.


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